Be a Team

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Team: two or more draft animals harnessed to the same vehicle or implement.

What an image for co-parenting! Yet what it takes for divorced couples to see themselves as a team for the purpose of parenting can only be described as a miracle. And, as any coach will avow, “Attitude is everything!”

• Have an agreed upon goal. The goal might be very broad, like “we will raise our children to know that they are loved by two parents.” A team without a common goal cannot begin to play the game.
• Make a game plan. What roles will each parent play? What roles do they want the stepparents to play? How can they help each other? How will they ensure that children do not play them against each other? What strategies can be negotiated to facilitate the most desires of each parent for the kids?
• Communicate. A football team planning to run a two-point conversion play needs to tell the field goal kicker. A parent who wants to break a child of the new habit of lying will communicate the problem and the strategy to the other parent.
• Pull your weight. The more both parents take part in parenting tasks, the more the child will feel connected to each as a parent.

It would take a real miracle to accomplish all of these things in your co-parenting. They are not one-time changes, but day to day, incremental decisions. Be encouraged that every effort made will improve the family life of your child.

Be Healed

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. Jeremiah 17:14

Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. James 5:16

According to researchers, divorce recovery can take between two and five years, but might never take place if the person does not exert effort to recover. If you will be healed, consider taking some of the following steps:

• Read, read, read. Learn about the effects of divorce on adults and children and how to overcome the hurts of the past
• Write. Journal your own ups and downs.
• Don’t dwell on the past; plan for the future.
• When in the dumps over your own unmet emotional needs, meet someone else’s emotional need.
• Learn to forgive. Seek support through counseling or a group such as Divorce Recovery.
• Pray. Honestly confess your ugliest feelings to God (He can handle it!). Seek His comfort, and His perspective.