Cultural Diversity: Listen without judgement

Listening without judgement requires shutting off the internal noise of your own thoughts, so that you can hear the whole message, and be open to the speaker’s ideas.

Often, we listen and interact with people without thinking. We see the world through the lens of our own experiences, personality and beliefs. When you are empathetic, you can understand a situation from someone else’s point of view. For example, you can validate her perspective by acknowledging her opinion. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with her, just that you accept she has a different perspective from you.

Also, the thoughts, feelings and physical reactions that we have when we feel anxious or angry can block out ideas and perspectives that we’re uncomfortable with.  Prejudice, past experiences, personal motives, and self-interest keeps our own thoughts and needs in the front of our minds, pushing the speaker to the back.

Making incorrect assumptions, giving unsolicited advice or analysis, going into denial, and feeling fearful, apathetic, jealous, or defensive can inhibit communication. Don’t interrupt. Listen to understand. Think before you speak.

Growing Closer Through Disagreements

Disagreement and arguments are common in most all relationships—between coworkers, spouses, siblings.  In the heat of the moment, angry words can destroy a relationship that took many years to build.  By following a few short tips, individuals can use the opportunity to strengthen a relationship rather than destroy it.

Disagreement Do List

1. Agree upon a time to discuss the issue
2. Be aware of your body language (appear nonthreatening and relaxed)
3. Avoid interruptions (phone calls, texts…)
4. Control your tone of voice and volume
5. Listen, Listen, Listen
6. Think before you speak
7. Make good eye contact
8. Ask clarifying questions
9. Be non-judgmental
10. Be empathetic

 

10 Rules of Fair Fighting

1. No name calling
2. No interrupting
3. No blaming or accusations
4. No cursing
5. No yelling
6. No sarcasm
7. No defensiveness
8. No generalizations (you always…)
9. No physical/emotional intimidating
10. No walking out without naming a follow up time.

 

Diane Reed, MA, LPCC