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The best way to make your relationship better is to work at fixing what’s wrong, right? Nope. The most effective way to boost fun and passion is to add positive elements to your marriage. That positive energy makes you feel good and motivates you to keep going in that direction. 

Happy Couple.jpg

  • Say thank you for even the small things like folding the towels.
  • Stay Connected. Talk about the details of your day.
  • Mention the qualities that you appreciate… hair, laugh, kindness.
  • Recall past times together and describe your hopes for the future.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t feel —or talk about —anything negative, but pretend you are weighing your interactions on a scale.

If you want a happier relationship, the positive side needs to far outweigh the bad. The more you honor the love and joy in your bond, the sooner you’ll transform your marriage into one that is truly great.

A great marriage results from efforts for the good times and even greater efforts to get through the tough times. A wonderful marriage is not an assumed relationship, but one requiring attention and care. The focus of a great marriage is the intent of the article, because it requires intentional efforts.

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  • Pay attention to your mate by looking at them when you talk to them.
  • Turn off any electronic devices that might create distraction. Put down whatever you are doing in order to pay attention.
  • Ask if this is a good time to talk to your mate.
  • Listen to your mate when they talk to you.
  • Look at your mate while you talk to them.
  • Avoid any distractions that may suggest your lack of interest.
  • It might be helpful to ask questions about what they said to be sure that you understood their message.
  • Persuasive speech conveys your thoughts while trying to convince the other to your views. This usually brings a positive conversation to a halt.
  • Listening, ask questions, and being courteous may bring out the best in your mate.

 

Roger Thompson

LMFT

Men and women are different. It does not take a Marriage and Family Therapist to realize that.

Men and women communicate differently. That isn’t rocket science either but sometimes couples forget that. For this post I want to focus on a simple communication technique men can use to improve the way they interact with their wives.

Men are wired to fix problems. They hear their wife express a frustration and immediately formulate a plan to make it better. A step by step plan is on the tip of the man’s tongue. Women are not looking for this. Women only want their husbands initial reaction to be one of hearing what they have to say. It is not about fixing the issue at work, with family, etc. They just want to be heard. So, as difficult as this can be for men, marital communication thrives on them holding their solutions and hearing what their wives need to say.

The simple communication technique of listening can make a big difference as the wife simply wants her frustrations to be heard by her husband.

So, men, as a way of improving your relationship via a simple communication technique…listen!

Justin P. Lewis, MA

When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:10-11

In other words, “when I grew up, I began to speak as an adult, think as an adult, and reason as an adult.” Divorcees frequently resort to childish ways of dealing with each other. So the first tip for being the adult is to learn to communicate with the other parent in an adult manner.

Do Away with Childish Speaking

Healthy communication takes time and practice to achieve. A good book on healthy communication is a must! But here are some tips:

  • Begin conversations by affirming “We’re here for the sake of the kids.”
  • Make your goal to understand, rather than to persuade.
  • Choose your issues carefully. Is it really about the child, or about your need for vengeance?
  • Ask sincere questions: “What do you think we should do?” “How do you feel about this?”
  • Give your full attention to the other person. Don’t plan your response, interrupt, blame or accuse the other person.
  • Communicate like an adult both verbally and nonverbally, even if the other person doesn’t (80 percent of communication takes place non-verbally!)
  • If communicating with the former spouse is particularly difficult consider mediation.
  • Pray before the meeting, and pray afterward

Do away with childish thinking and reasoning

  • Take every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5). Feelings of stress or anxiety might indivate some runaway-thoughts that need to be reined in.
  • Express emotional thoughts to God before expressing them to someone else.
  • Confess your thoughts to a trusted and objective friend.
  • When negative thoughts consume you, redirect. Choose to think on things that are pure, true, beautiful, and righteous (Philippians 4:8)

Children need equal effort from both parents in providing authoritative, mature guidance for their lives. Support each other in speaking, thinking, and co-parenting like adults.

Knowing their parents understand them is a crucial building block of happiness for kids. “Your child can only develop happiness and self-confidence if she feels completely and totally accepted,” says Bonnie Harris, author of Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids. “Listen to your child without making any judgments about whether she is right or wrong. Your goal should be to hear her side of the story.

The right way to resolve a marital rift may boil down to a single choice of words. University of

California, Berkeley, researchers found that married couples who used plural pronouns–such as we, us, and our–during a spat were less likely to feel stressed-out afterward. But those who said “I” were more apt to have negative emotions and marital dissatisfaction. “Using ‘we language’ during a fight may help couples align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries,” says lead author Benjamin Seider.

By Julian Kesner from Prevention.com

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